Roger and Dylan talk about their trials.
In one of HF's famous two-hander episodes, cousins Dylan Harper and Roger Lambert discuss the situation which nearly left Roger homeless and without a boyfriend. Scene Background: The study of Dylan's townhouse. Roger is sitting in a comfortable chair waiting for his cousin, Dylan Harper to return. Things had been topsy-turvy for him after he found out his boyfriend, Matt Ackerman, had left him for Kip Waltham, and had moved to New Haven, Connecticut. Because of Matt and Kip's deceit, Roger was almost left homeless, until Dylan had taken him in. It was late afternoon, and Dylan had gone to get the twins from school and have them go to his cousin Anyssa's for the rest of the day until Adam got done with work. Adam would pick them up when he finished with work. Roger smiles as Dylan comes into the study. The two cousins hug. ROGER: Got the kids over to Nyssa's safely? DYLAN: Yep, I did. While I was driving them to Anyssa's, Derek was looking over his schoolwork, while Ashley was eating a popsicle. Sam met them at the door, and he and Derek went to study. Ashley went upstairs to play with Jolie. Those two kids keep me busy. ROGER: Yeah, I can see that. Where is everyone else? DYLAN: Sheila's still at the office, she'll be home for dinner. Shawn and Audra are visiting their mom at the Atchley Mansion, it is the first time they have been able to do so, since she married Uncle Steven; Allen took Cathy over to see Aunt Victoria; Adam is still at work of course, and so is Derick, he had a large court case, but he will be home for dinner; Libby and Linda are having some long overdue sister time at a spa on Newbury Street, so it is just you and me. ROGER: Good, I wonder why it happened when it did. DYLAN: You and Matt breaking up the way it did, eh? That was so sad to have that happen. And with Kip too, no less. God, why on EARTH did he have to choose Kip Waltham? I swear, of all the men in Boston that Matt could have fallen for, he had to choose that idiot Kip Waltham! That is like someone taking a poisoned Ex-lax! ROGER: Why would he choose Kip, that is what I want to know. DYLAN: That I cannot tell you, Cuz, but I will say this. Matt may have well made his bed, and he will be in one hell of a lonely bed! And he will have nobody to blame about it but himself, since he did leave you of his own choosing. ROGER: Why do you say that, Dyl? DYLAN: Well, Rog, it took me quite a long time to realize it, and when it finally happened, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Kip didn't really love me. He NEVER had loved me. He has only one great love. And it sure as hell wasn't me. Kip Waltham only loves Kip Waltham. He had an ego the size of Montana, and a heart colder than Antarctica! Sometimes, I always thought that someone could break through to him, but sadly, that was never the case. All the time Kip went with Ryan, and it was Ryan himself who had told me this, Kip would cheat on him all the time, and he never even tried to hide it from him. ROGER: You're kidding me, Dyl. (he hugs his cousin) Did that fiend ever cheat on you? DYLAN: Oh yes, Rog. He cheated on me more times than I would care to remember. ROGER: Oh, Dyl Pickle, I am so sorry. (He wraps his arm around his cousin) Did you ever catch him in the act? DYLAN (still pained by the memories, but feeling safe while with his cousin's arms around him): Oh yeah, I caught him red-handed many times. One time, after we moved into the house on Attleboro, you remember that house, right? ROGER: Yeah, I do remember that. It was a lovely house. Mom told me that it was a beautiful old house. I know you loved it. DYLAN: One time, I had to stop by the house, because I had forgotten something. What it was I don't recall. But, when I went upstairs to check on where I had put the thing I forgot, I saw Kip, sprawled out on our bed, with one of the groundskeepers from the mansion! ROGER (stunned): Oh, Dyl.... he hugs Dylan gently DYLAN (still sad over the memory): I was in shock, and when I had shaken the shock off, I got very mad. I then threw the groundskeeper out of the house and told Kip to get his stuff packed and to leave! ROGER: Did he? DYLAN: No, he didn't. I fear. He tried to twist things on me, blaming me for what he did. ROGER: Oh, Dyl, I am sorry, bro. But you didn't buy that lie, did you? DYLAN: No, I didn't buy his lie. But, fool that I was, I fell for his whining and wheedling. Yeah, I forgave him. Quite a number of times, in fact. ROGER: And he still cheated on you? DYLAN: Oh yeah, he did, Rog. Whenever the whim struck him, he cheated. And he cheated on me with EVERYONE. He cheated on me with pizza delivery guys, cable guys, UPS delivery men, plumbers, gardeners, mail men, it mattered not to him. If he saw anyone with a penis, he would cheat on me with that person. ROGER: When did you finally have enough? DYLAN: When I came home from visiting my parents at the mansion, and I saw him in flagrante delicto with the phone company repairman, in our LIVING ROOM! He even had the curtains wide open, so EVERYONE could see what he was doing! He was not even hiding his idiocy! It was like he had no shame! I stormed upstairs, took all his stuff, and threw it out on the curb. Then I went and threw both of them out. I called the phone company and that goon was fired soon after that. Helps to have Harper power to pull in cases like that. Then I told Kip to sling his hook! It was about that time I found out he was beginning to date Ryan. Then of course, you knew all about what HE had done to Ryan. Then what he had done to Mark. ROGER: I remember that. Ryan really called him on his lies. And Mark was killed for it. DYLAN: Yes, he did. Right after everyone in the family called Kip out! I think your mom told you about it, since she was there. The weird thing was that Kip accused RYAN of cheating on him, but it was all a smokescreen. Ryan was faithful, and it was Kip who cheated all the time. In fact, Ryan told me, the last time he caught Kip was when he saw him cheating with that twink from the gym they all attended. The same gym that Kevin and Sean attend now. ROGER: That is awful. What happened? DYLAN: Ryan told me that he had caught Kip and that twink red handed in the LOCKER ROOM at the gym! ROGER: He had no shame did he? DYLAN: None whatsoever. And now what he did to you. ROGER: As far as Kip goes, if he wants Matt, then he is welcome to him. DYLAN: Maybe they deserve one another. ROGER: I think so too. Did you say they moved to New Haven? DYLAN: Yep. They did. According to a friend of mine, Barry and Jeff's, they found a condo near Yale University! ROGER (grinning): Another reason to hate Yale! DYLAN (giggling): Spoken like a true Harvard man! ROGER: But seriously, Dyl Pickle, you really are great. Taking me in, when he broke the lease and nearly left me homeless. I couldn't move in with Mom, and I certainly couldn't have moved in with Caitlyn. DYLAN: I understand why you didn't. With Aunt Patricia being so independent; and Caitlyn working so often at the station, it was an easy choice for me to make. In fact, it was the ONLY choice to make. You're my cousin. You're one of my favorite cousins, and I wouldn't want you left alone. ROGER: Thanks again, Dyl. What would I do without you? DYLAN: Rog, we're family! And we always do for one another. That is the way the family works, especially this family. I love you, Roger. ROGER: And I love you too, little cousin. My little Dyl Pickle. The two hug one another, sharing their bond. Roger gently caresses his cousin's hair, a comforting gesture that he had done for Dylan ever since the guys were little. His mind flashed back to when Dylan and Roger were children. A bully kicked over Dylan's sand castle, and that made Dylan start to cry uncontrollably. Kip, Caitlyn and Alicia started yelling and screaming at the bully, while Patricia and Bill scolded the bully. Roger walked up to his sobbing cousin and wrapped his arms around him, and gently caressed his hair. When they returned, Alicia, Kip and Caitlyn also began to comfort Dylan. The flashback ended and Roger looked down at his cousin, and he again caresses his hair. CUT TO A couple of hours later. It is dinner time. Everyone is back and assembled in the dining room. Roger is sharing a story with Derek about when he and Dylan were younger. Sheila looks at Dylan. SHEILA: How did it go with you and Rog? DYLAN: I think it went well, hon. Roger is better, and he is safe with us. I shared with him my dealings with Kip. We both agree, Matt and Kip deserve one another. ADAM: Yes, I am glad it worked out. DYLAN: Me too, sweetie. AUDRA: Where did Kip move to? DYLAN: New Haven. He and Matt found a condo there over by Yale. SHAWN: Good, they can have him! DERICK: Sounds like he was a pain, Dyl. So you used to go with him? ALLEN: More so than you would think, Derick. Yes, they went out for a while. And he used Dylan like an old rag, and when he was done with him, he threw him away. DERICK: Sounds like he was a bastard. ALLEN: He was. LIBBY: As far as I am concerned, he was a thick-headed lout! You're good to be rid of him, Dyl. And Rog, Matt will find out the hard way about what that dolt does. Everyone laughs. The children don't understand. ASHLEY: What do you mean, Auntie Sheila? SHEILA: It's nothing for you and the other kids to worry about, sweetheart. He was someone who treated your daddy terribly. You kids are excused to go and play. We adults are going to have some time to ourselves. ASHLEY (cheerfully): OK. Come on, Derek, Cathy. We've got some new things in the play room. The adults watch the children scamper from the dining room. The servants begin to quietly take the plates from the kids' spaces. The adults begin to chat. The scene fades. Category:Episodes Category:Hall of Fame Episodes